Balancing taking care of yourself and caring for loved ones can be hard and confusing. Sometimes, taking more me-time or giving a friend space, versus being there for them, can lead to a heated and tearful argument or feelings of guilt. Other times, doing so creates an outcome of a healthy and strong platonic or romantic relationship.
So what is the balance? Have people faced my same struggles in finding this middle ground? How different is everyone’s preference on how to be cared for when they’re sad or angry?
We interviewed a few of our closest friends to hear what they think, and answered these questions ourselves <333
Below are a few of our favorite responses our fifth and last question!
5. How do you wish they would react to specific emotions you have found to be hard for others to deal with (anger, sadness etc.)?
I would like them to just listen to me or be there for me. I don’t expect my loved ones to fix my problems, I just want them to allow me to sit in the emotion and comfort me.
– Janie Contreras Johnson, 29, Colorado
Let me feel comfortable expressing those kinds of feelings in the first place, with no judgement.
– Joanna Alvarez, 24, San Francisco, California
When I’m at home with my family, it’s hard to show emotions such as anger or sadness because there’s this belief that it’s a sign of weakness. I shouldn’t be upset because things will be fine and there must be something wrong with me for not being able to get over whatever insignificant thing is bothering me. I wish we were more accepting of emotions and not afraid to show them. I think we would be much healthier and communicative if we did that.
– Kim Flores, 26, Los Angeles, California
I want them to try to understand where I’m coming from and not get mad at me for feeling that way.
– Jordan Johnson, 29, Colorado
Emotions are a form of language that have opportunities to be negative, but also very positive. Given that anger is my absolute favorite emotion, it honestly depends on how I am using that emotion as to how I want people to react to it. For example, if I am angry because someone I care about has prevented me from reaching my own expectations, I want to use my anger to move mountains and still reach my expectations. This means that I want them to respond by cowering from and moving out of my way. If I am using it because I am getting close to rage, I want them to talk me back down to anger by somatically matching me where I am at, and then letting my anger move what it was intended to move in the first place.
– Lena Hilder McCain, 26, Colorado
People should be okay when you share emotions that aren’t always positive. People are not supposed to be happy all the time. Having a range of emotions shouldn’t be scary, it should be supported and maybe even encouraged.
– Kelly Duarte, 22, West Covina
It’d be great if people would continue to be patient with me whenever I lash out emotionally. Most of the time when I’m inexplicably upset, I always want to tell the person I’m with that I want them to stay with me (if it doesn’t hurt them emotionally), even if I’m acting that I don’t want them around. They can just sit next to me silently to let them know that they haven’t given up on me.
It’d be great if people would continue to be patient with me whenever I lash out emotionally. Most of the time when I’m inexplicably upset, I always want to tell the person I’m with that I want them to stay with me (if it doesn’t hurt them emotionally), even if I’m acting that I don’t want them around. They can just sit next to me silently to let them know that they haven’t given up on me.
– Tanya Lieu, 23, Temecula, California
Interviews by Georgia St. Jones, Janie Contreras Johnson and Kelly Duarte.
Intro words, featured image and edited by Shannen Roberts.
*Last name omitted by request of interviewee.
Shannen Roberts is a Peruvian-American writer, musician and yogi.
Learn more about her here.
Georgia St. Jones is a California broke girl using music, art, and literature as a way to be universal and staff contributor for The Strange is Beautiful.
Follow her here: Instagram, SoundCloud.
See her latest posts here.
Janie Contreras Johnson, The Strange is Beautiful’s Staff Community Outreach, is a Mexican-American feminist working constantly to overcome sexual and childhood trauma.
DM her on our Instagram @TheStrangeisBeautiful.
Read her posts here.
Kelly Duarte is a Guatemalan-American writer and artist that’s really into pop culture (probably too much).
Learn more about her here.
See all her The Strange is Beautiful posts here.
