Sadcore Sundays: Nightjar Talks Anxiety and it’s Role in “thanks for coming”

“thanks for coming” is a haunting track from Nightjar’s Canter EP and is a great choice for a day when you’re feeling alone and melancholy. The entire EP was an awesome listen for me, but this song is my favorite because it puts me in a feeling of nostalgia for a past I’ve never had, but also feels very familiar. Also, I enjoy that the song is capable of holding on to simplicity in its individual parts, but together form a more complicated bunch of emotions.

This week, Nightjar answered some questions for us about the song and her experiences with mind obstacles.

What was the inspiration behind the song “thanks for coming”?

I have panic disorder. For those who are unfamiliar, it’s a cyclical condition. I go through phases of time (varying in length) during which I’m in a constant state of fear and sensory overload. I was coming out of what was probably the longest cycle of fear I’ve experienced – something like nine months – when I wrote the Canter EP. I spent a lot of time thinking about my life before the disorder was out of hand. The cycles had become progressively longer and more debilitating, so when the fear clears up, it’s like a huge space has opened in my head. I can remember things that I couldn’t find room for, really pick those memories apart.

In the case of “thanks for coming”, I was thinking about how I’d sort of covered up my anxiety for many years with distractions; little romances to preoccupy my thoughts with. It was also getting warmer outside, and I had images in mind of the looming dread that I feel in summer. I combined the warmth of a romance, the knowing that it lacked permanence, and the imagery of an inescapable season to build the song.

What mind obstacles were you experiencing during the process of writing that song?

It’s always difficult to describe panic disorder, especially knowing how different it is for everyone, but basically most of my fears are health related. I had to grapple with the risk of dying alone in my home and finishing the EP, despite how unlikely dying was. I had to be willing to sit with myself, risk my imaginary disaster. Luckily though, I was mostly in a good place at that point and felt very focused on finishing the project.

How did working on this project help you cope with those obstacles?

It provided a cathartic release, was something to hone in on that wasn’t constant streaming of terror – but that also wasn’t devoid of that underlying discomfort.

What does the title “thanks for coming” mean to you?

It’s my thank you to those who have allowed me to know them on a deeply personal level, who have been a safe space for me (and hopefully I for them) at any point in time.

What would you like for listeners to take away from the song?

I’m a big fan of open interpretation. Whatever the feeling, I hope that it brings them round to visit again.

What self-care do you practice besides music to aid your mind obstacles?

I’m a big fan of hot baths, long walks, and walking meditations. Oh, and cooking. Few things say, “I love you, body,” like fixing something fresh and savoring the flavors. I try to make a full sensory experience out of it.

“thanks for coming” Lyrics:

I’m running out of time
To get to know you
Cups spill as the train passes by
The way words are lost
Clumsy, wanderin’ ‘cross counter top

Charming is the boy
Who bring fabric flower

Did you find the place okay?
You can set your bag in the bedroom
Have a seat over there
I’ll pour you a drink
Oh Honey, thanks for coming

Charming is the boy
Who bring fabric flower

Faucet’s got a leak
It drips down my shoulder

Dump the old ash
So we can add new ones

A wasp got in
Through a crack in the window

You’ll be gone
Before the next season

Charming is the boy
Who bring fabric flowers

What is Sadcore Sundays?