Relationship Advice: Dear Bae of Bae with a Mental Obstacle

Mental obstacles are draining. They can take away all desire to live, so your Bae with a mental obstacle will probably need help researching alternative methods of self-help, therapists, help-lines, support groups, supportive bloggers, etc.

Dear Bae of Bae with a Mental Obstacle,

You are not Bae’s therapist, but Bae does need you to a healthy extent. You need to understand your Bae’s mental obstacle, and have proper compassion when you are able to give support, but you also need to set boundaries for yourself and provide your Bae with other resources. I will teach you how to deal with your sad, moody, or totally confused Bae with a mental obstacle.

Research !!!!!!!!!

Yes research. You need to understand what they are going through to it’s entirety. Did you take their shoes off??? Lace them back up, c’mon, you got research to do! Here’s a few sites to start with:

Facts and Stats (from The Strange is Beautiful)
WebMD
NAMI
NIMH

Set boundaries

Tell you Bae when you are not available to answer their calls or to comfort them. Examples of when you’re NOT available are:

1. Work
2. School
3. Hanging out with friends if this is a rarity (if you’re in highschool and you hangout with your budz err day all day then THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU #sorrynotsorry).
4. Any other personal time you need, like the 15 min you need after work to wind-down or the 1 hour yoga class you need to stay sane.
5. When you’re asleep.

That time between 10 p.m. and 7 a.m. when Bae is freaking out and you’re definitely not there to help because you’re asleep – don’t feel bad. You have a life, and you need your sleep so you can complete your days properly. Your bae might try and call you during your sleep time, when you’re at work, or when you’re with your friends….the harsh truth is you have a life too and it matters.

Your Bae with a mental obstacle might be offended by these boundaries unless you explain this first:

“Bae, I love you with all my heart. I am here for you at the times when I can be there for you, but I’m not a certified therapist – I’m your Bae. I can only do what a Bae is supposed to do which is love and support you at a healthy medium. I want this relationship to work, so I will help you find any external help or support that you need, but I also need to set some boundaries so I can stay healthy so I am able to support you.”

To be honest, your Bae with a mental obstacle might freak out even after that nicely written explanation. Some irrational reactions you might receive are, “so YOUUU can stay healthy??!! Do YOUUU have a fucked up brain??? GIVE ME A BREAK,” or, “YOU’RE THE WORST BAE EVERRRRRRR.” lol I’m guilty of being that Bae….

But give it time, let it settle and your Bae with a mental obstacle will understand in time.

Tell your Bae with a mental obstacle you will help find extra support

A therapist, help-line, a yoga instructor, or supportive bloggers that they can reach out to when they want to talk rather than throwing the burden onto your shoulders are the kind of extra support your Bae needs. I personally like chatting with instagram girls who are posting about and going through the same shit. Just look up hashtags of their mental obstacle: #depression #socialanxiety #anxiety #ed etc. There’s also some lovely apps where people are up all night ready to talk about the feelz – I like the Talk Life app.

Ask your Bae with a mental obstacle what works for them to calm down.

How can you help when you are available to help? Do they need to watch a funny movie? Do they need a breathing exercise? To be wrapped in a blanket like a cocoon?

If your Bae with a mental obstacle doesn’t know what works for them yet, RESEARCH. Ask around because let me tell you, mental obstacles are draining. They can take away all desire to live, so your Bae with a mental obstacle will probably need help researching alternative methods of self-help, therapists, help-lines, support groups, supportive bloggers, etc.

Let your bae talk when your Bae needs you

Just listen. DON’T INTERRUPT AND DON’T ADVISE…unless asked. Instead of advising, trying to “fix them,” or getting upset with their totally unrelatable situation, offer warm, loving support and make them laugh afterwards. For more suggestions see this link.