Damn straight I am.
This year my only resolution is to be kind to myself. Starting a new year comes with a lot of pressure to start over. It means starting a diet or workout regimen. It means quitting bad habits. It means reflecting on the shitty parts of yourself and forcing yourself to change them. I’m realizing my worst habit is being unkind to myself.
Topic Warning: Suicide and Depression
At the base of Mt. Fuji, there’s a well known Japanese forest known as Aokigahara or Jukai, which means “sea of trees.” The most popular name for it is the “suicide forest.” This is not a tourist destination, it is a mass grave. In what seems to be such a bleak place, there is a suicide patrol. One of the members is the focus of the documentary “Suicide Forest In Japan.”
Grass blades stick into her skin as she lay on her back, completely bare. She sinks into the ground beneath her and can feel the Earth move in sync with her own breathing. Her eyes open to see the infinite blue above and stares into the eyes of melancholy while remembering the times she’s been here before.
Lyrics:
“Even In The Dark”
For those who work so hard
Never see their children
Never see their children grow
Into the gifts they give them
Coming into a new year, a widely celebrated turning point in time, we’re often bombarded with the idea that we must make it an important change in our individual lives. The emphasis for change is all around us and we often pressure ourselves into the “new year, new me” mindset, deciding on leaving part of ourselves in the previous year so that we can focus on developing a new version of us. However, this year I’ve decided to approach change differently. I won’t try to shed the things I don’t like about myself or put focus on my negative traits, but instead, I’ll work more on accepting who I am. I feel as though who I am has gotten me here, so I can’t be all bad. This year I’ll be changing by way of being grateful for the process rather than pining for the outcome.