One time when I couldn’t fall asleep, my friend looped “I’m So Tired” by Fugazi, and it was the only thing that got me to finally enter dream world. The piano chords seem to trudge up a flight of stairs, slowly turning the knob of your bedroom door, and belly flopping on to your mattress in extreme exhaustion and burnout. Meanwhile, his voice is a gentle lullaby, taking your shoes and socks off that you were too tired to remove yourself, tucks you in, and turns the light off.
The title “It’s Not Real” reminds me of talking to myself during a panic attack, trying to convince myself that the negative images and thoughts spiraling in my head are not real. Contrary to the chaos and energy overload of a panic attack, Mable Ye‘s song is a chill, mellow and melancholy self-reflection. If you’re in need of existential crisis questions asked in a surprisingly calm way, this #SadcoreSundays song is for you.
For this week’s Sadcore Sundays, we get to know Sarah May and her song “Because I Turned You Down.”
Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with for…majority of my life. I think to an extent everyone feels lonely from time to time, but the intensity differs. Mine can get, uhh, bad. Since I was in third grade, my friends have either moved away, decided to not be my friend anymore, developed romantic feelings for me that they couldn’t separate from our friendship, stopped hanging out with me when I stopped playing shows (I used to organize music shows and play them too), didn’t want to deal with my mind obstacles anymore, or I had put too much on them to take care of me. A therapist at the Los Angeles LGBT Center’s Audre Lorde Health Program, Women’s Primary Care in West Hollywood explained that these consistent and repetitive events created a developmental trauma, and that is why the feeling of loneliness and loss for me can be unbearable. My fear of saying the phrase “best friend” out loud is synonymous to the intense fear Hogwarts wizards and witches have of saying “Voldemort” – except that instead of fearing that Voldemort will appear, I fear that my best friend will disappear. Anybody that called me their “best friend” I knew had signed our friendship death warrant.
In this week’s pick for Sadcore Sundays, Sevdaliza delivers a strong message about being expected to put another’s well-being over your own all in the name of love. “Marilyn Monroe” follows the perspective of someone living in their own pain, yet feeling under pressure to be a support system for someone who won’t do the same for them.