On January 28 at the Lodge Room in Highland Park, music reverberated against the walls and the stairs creaked under the pressure of party-goers ready to go to the event upstairs. Gold balloons spelling out “Quince Night” as well as pink and white ones decorated the stairwell. Groups of people crowded the entryway, laughing and talking as they waited for the musical acts to start.
Reflection. It is the edge of a pool that I don’t want to dive into. I don’t know what’s under the surface. It may take minutes, hours, months, even years. Eventually I dive into myself. Reflection can be a scary yet necessary part of self-care. Understanding your trauma is essential to recovery.
The Phoenix in mythology, and in Harry Potter, is a bird that dies, turns to ashes and is reborn. I feel reborn. I have felt so different ever since I moved out. Almost confused from it. Who am I? Who is Shannen? This is five diary entries on reflecting on who am I today, now, and who do I want to be in 2018.
Damn straight I am.
This year my only resolution is to be kind to myself. Starting a new year comes with a lot of pressure to start over. It means starting a diet or workout regimen. It means quitting bad habits. It means reflecting on the shitty parts of yourself and forcing yourself to change them. I’m realizing my worst habit is being unkind to myself.
Topic Warning: Suicide and Depression
At the base of Mt. Fuji, there’s a well known Japanese forest known as Aokigahara or Jukai, which means “sea of trees.” The most popular name for it is the “suicide forest.” This is not a tourist destination, it is a mass grave. In what seems to be such a bleak place, there is a suicide patrol. One of the members is the focus of the documentary “Suicide Forest In Japan.”