The Phoenix in mythology, and in Harry Potter, is a bird that dies, turns to ashes and is reborn. I feel reborn. I have felt so different ever since I moved out. Almost confused from it. Who am I? Who is Shannen? This is five diary entries on reflecting on who am I today, now, and who do I want to be in 2018.
Yesika Salgado, also known as Yesika Starr, has the honor of being one of the few poets that can actually fuck me up with words. With the recent release of “Corazón,” her first book, I wanted to look back on other works from Salgado. “Sentimental Boss Bitch,” a chapbook, was self-published this year. It’s eighteen pages long. In those eighteen pages there’s love, joy, longing, pain, heartbreak and of course, learning how to be a sentimental boss bitch.
A bright orange typewriter made out of cardboard sits in the middle of the room. Flowers spring from its keys. On the top of the typewriter, is an offering. Pan dulce and the novel Like Water For Chocolate. Surrounding the typewriter, placed on the stark white walls, are portraits of brown faces and bodies. They seem to stare from every corner, enticing you to read a snippet of their lives.
::::trigger warning: eating disorder :::::
Thank you @joannathangiah for making this. This is such an important topic to touch base on.
there is something inside of me begging to come out
the little voice inside of me is bigger than i am
and instead of listening to it, i run away
i run away to secret places, libraries, book stores, coffee shops
anywhere to be away from my family who hover over my life,
over my choices,
over my mistakes.
i like to be left alone
don’t bother me unless it’s necessary
i am not anti-social
but maybe i am
it is hard to think, hard to write
when everyone wants to know about me
and i want to know nothing.
one day i’ll figure out
one day i won’t come back to the city that molded me
broke me
and loved me back again.
sometimes things don’t work out
and maybe i’m not meant to stay here forever
i’ll leave, i’ll leave
somewhere
anywhere
far, far away
where i won’t be found.